A Primer in Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you. The term was first coined in 1990 by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey, but was later popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman. Emotional intelligence—also known as EQ—is a must-have leadership skill. If you have a strong EQ you can stay calm under pressure, resolve conflict and respond to others with empathy and understanding. Here are four ways you can use emotional intelligence to hone your leadership abilities:
Own your emotions. The core of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. It is your ability to not only understand your strengths and weaknesses, but to recognize your emotions and the effect they have on you and your team’s performance. Most people believe they are self-aware but few actually are. Self awareness begins with analyzing your own emotions and how your behavior is perceived within your organization. Self-aware individuals hunger for feedback in this area where those who are not self-aware are turned off by the thought of looking at themselves in an honest assessment.
Ask for perspectives. In addition to self-awareness, social awareness is also important. Do you know how to read the room? Social awareness describes your ability to recognize others’ emotions and the dynamics in play within your organization. Do you strive to understand your colleagues’ feelings and perspectives? A good sense of empathy—the desire to understand others—increases a leader’s effectiveness in coaching, engagement and decision-making. A socially-aware leader seeks the perspective of others before they would push a pre-determined mandate.
Pause before you talk. Relationship management is a key component of emotional intelligence. Relationship management refers to your ability to influence, coach, and mentor others, and resolve conflict effectively. Every unresolved conflict in your organization can waste time in gossip and unproductive activity, drain resources and reduce morale. An emotionally intelligent leader begins by listening to the parties involved, and takes time to formulate his response and solution. The characteristic of pausing before you talk—measuring your words before you say them—is a sign of emotional intelligence as you manage relationships within your organization.
What can you learn? Self-management is the final component of a leader’s emotional intelligence. Self-management refers to the ability to manage your emotions, particularly in stressful situations, and maintain a positive outlook despite setbacks. Leaders who lack self-management tend to react and have a harder time keeping their impulses in check. Reactions are automatic, where response is more in tune with keeping impulse under control and working through stress and adversity. An emotionally intelligent leader is always concerned with what they are learning about themselves and others in any given situation, versus simply putting out fires. The desire to deep dive into the cause of any problem or conflict helps the leader learn from the endeavor, so as to avoid it entirely the next time they are caught in similar circumstances.